So I'm having a tough day today. Nobody is causing me to have a tough day but for some reason I'm just sad and restless. This pregnancy thing is a lot harder than I ever thought it would be. I feel like I've lost total control of my life and my body. It sounds selfish I know and perhaps this is just me starting to get ready for the baby.
I'm frustrated because my body makes me sleep all the time....literally last night I came home and ate dinner and then lost 3 hours because I fell asleep on the couch. Of course one night of that wouldn't bother me but it's been happening for months. I can't count on ever being able to do anything in the evening because I become narcaleptic. That's frustrating because I see tons of stuff that needs to be done around the house but I either don't have the energy or the time to get started.
The other thing that's frustrating me about my body right now is my ever expanding wasteline. Yes people say a number of things that may or may not be helpful....my favorite this week is "Wow, you're starting to look more and more pregnant." Why don't you just come up to me and poke me in the belly and say "Wow, you're really packing it on Tub-o!" I know it's supposed to feel beautiful but I was just starting to get used to my body after dropping 30 lbs and being proud of it. I'm not ready to head the other direction yet.
The other thing that's pretty disturbing is how open people are with the bad/disgusting things about having a baby and being a parent. I seriously don't want to know any more details about how long the needle was from your epidurial or how bad that diaper blow out was the other day. I'm scared enough about how I'm going to figure out all this without you making it sound like I just won an all expense paid trip to jail.
The last thing that's bugging me is how we're going to afford a kid. I seriously can't figure out how my parents did it with two kids. How did they afford daycare and all the other things they provided for us without gonig bankrupt? I can't figure it out right now and I wish I could. I'm an accountant for goodness sake and budgeting for the next year seems impossible right now.
I know I should be excited and ready for the baby to come right now but I'm not. I want a little more control over my situation and my life (for at least a little while). I'm hoping that this changes soon.
3 comments:
I know exactly how you feel (I have felt this way many times)and I hate to say it, but the comments, the unsolicited opinions and cost don't get better. However, it gets easier to ignore the opinions, your body does return to you...eventually, and God always provides somehow. I was never more scared than I was when we left the hospital with Roxanne, but you have a great partner and you will be great parents.
And those days are normal. And they happen. And it's ok.
People say stupid things because, well, they don't think. Plain & simple.
And you two will provide a wonderful life for your kiddo. Will you be able to get them every single thing their little heart desires? Probably not. And that is a good thing. What you will provide, however, is priceless - love, acceptance, boundaries, praise, self-confidence, family. And you will do wonderfully at it.
Jess, If God has provided for us on my income and we are still surviving with a newborn you guys will be fine but it may never work out on paper. It has been amazing and I have had to buy very little b/c of the generosity of those around me. God will take care of you and your family even with daycare. I am living proof!!!
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