My Dad is headed out on his fall back packing trip with his buddies tomorrow. The guys he's going with are friends he's had since his first job nearly 40 years ago. We always try and get together for dinner before they head out because generally it's the only time the wives and kids get to see each other.
These guys have known my Dad through everything in the last 30-40 years. Through the births of their kids, grandkids (not my Dad obviously), divorces, loss of jobs, etc. These guys all knew my mother before my folks got divorced and even before she started drinking heavily.
I accepted a long time ago, that because of choices she's made along the way I lose little pieces of her all the time as if she were dying over and over. I keep thinking that this will hurt less over time but so far that's not been the case. Tonight at dinner they were talking about memories where my mother was obviously there but trying to exclude her from the story. I know it wasn't purposeful, but I am sad because most people get to hear about memories from their parents. I really don't know much about her before the alcoholism started and I lose more and more of the parts I did (with memory of my own fading) all the time.
I pray some day that she'll come around and we can repair the relationship we had (and possibly build something better). I'm still hopeful, but not blind.
Not a long thought but something I just had to get down, before the thought passed me up.
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